The Beauty of All Things

The present has nothing to do with time. If you are just here in this moment, there is no time. There is immense silence, stillness, no movement; nothing is passing, everything has come to a sudden stop.

The present gives you the opportunity to dive deep into the water of life, or to fly high into the sky of life.

But on both sides there are dangers: 'past' and 'future' are the most dangerous words in human language. Between past and future, living in the present is almost like walking on a tightrope; on both sides there is danger.

But once you have tasted the juices of the present, you don't care about dangers. Once you are in tune with life then nothing matters.

And to me, life is all there is.

Text: Osho

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We are but transients of time, living in worlds between...

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Currently listening:
David Darling - Dawn

Video: Alex Roman

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A stunning visceral delight in photography, architecture & CGI. View it in fullscreen. 12+ minutes, but well worth it.

Awe inspiring!

Live each moment... for life and death is only a breath away.

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Currently listening:
Lunz - Lunz [Ulrich Schnauss Remix]

You should be grateful for everything that happens to you, even your pain.

The quote above is from a Hasidic saying. 2009 came and went, certain loses, but I'm still very thankful for what it is. Sometimes I feel like I'm floating in oil, watching my life drifts by and by. Comfortable yet stagnant, but still watching...

I have made some changes to improve myself. Self-doubt is a very negative thing. Am I good enough? But if I don't believe in myself, who will? I have learned much from this past year. I'm grateful for the people around me—you, my friends, my family, Alec, and the people I have yet to meet and come across. I'm grateful for this amazing life that I have. But how can anyone possibly put this tremendous feeling into words?

Thank you. Here's to a good 2010.

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Currently listening:
Air - The Dream of Yi

Currently listening:
The Hotel Cafe - Auld Lang Syne [Charity Medley]

Currently listening:
The Raveonettes - Christmas [Baby Please Come Home]

Finally I made a Christmas/Holiday CD for Alec [and myself]. It's a hodgepodge of tracks. Maybe it'll give me a boost of the holiday spirit. Dunno. *shrug*

Have a listen... It's on the radio to the right. If I'm not back by Thursday, I wish you all a very happy, safe, and a loving Christmas holiday this year!

xo, r

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Currently listening:
Sarah McLachlan - River

Here is a photo of my mother watching her own mother being put beneath the earth. Gone is the vessel. My grandmother was cremated yesterday. We took one last look at her and then we parted. My mother has always been a hard-headed, stubborn woman. Seldom I've heard her cry but it was never like this. She was whimpering and saying the words "Ma-Ma!" as if she was a little girl again. It was heartbreaking. My mother lost her father when she was six and all she had was her 2 little sisters and her mother. But she will remain strong; just like her own mother.

I cried like a baby yesterday. In the end, the man who was tending the cremation service asked if any one of us would like to 'press the button'. We declined. For me, I just can't do it. I kept reminding myself that it's only a body that used to be my grandmother. No more. No less. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust...

I didn't cry all that much this afternoon for I did most of it on my way to the service. There is no more pain and suffering for my grandmother. I believe that life/death goes around in an enigmatic circle... She's at peace and I look forward to seeing her again in the future.

The photo above is one of many of my grandmother that I took with my phone. Before the hospital bed arrived, I used to hang out with her on her bed and we both would watch TV together. I made this big photo album for her full of pictures of everyone she knows. This particular page that she's looking at are photos of my grandfather's grave site back in China. I also bought her the ducky on that table for her birthday, and next to that is a 'self-portrait' photo of my grandmother and I back in 2001. I still remember that day. I gave her a small 'interview' and recorded it with my little point-n'-shoot camera. In the video I asked her about her family... About her own father and mother, and the war...

Death is inevitable. But what does that make life? What came before life itself? Today I think of such questions but I need not know the answers. They will come to me one day...

Today was a sad day, but it was also a good day. A day of remembrance! Have a good night everyone and take great care of yourselves and one another.

xo, r

Southern California is usually bright, sun-shiny and warm, but this morning it's cold, wet and dreary. And I don't mind it at all.

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Currently listening:
John Foxx & Harold Budd - Here And Now

Man, you enter the world reluctantly, crying, as a forlorn babe;
Man, you leave this life, deprived again, crying again, with regret.
Therefore live this life in such a way that none of it is really wasted.
You have to become accustomed to it after not having been accustomed to it.
When you have become accustomed to it, you will have to become used to being without it. Mediate upon this contention.
Die, therefore, "before you die," in the words of the Purified One.
Complete the circle before it is completed for you.
Until you do, unless you have—then expect bitterness at the end as there was in the beginning; in the middle as there will be at the end.
You did not see the pattern as you entered; and when you entered—you saw another pattern.
When you saw this apparent pattern, you were prevented from seeing the threads of the coming pattern.
Until you see both, you will be without contentment—
Whom do you blame? And Why do you blame?

Text: Hashim the Sidqi, on Rumi

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The above was my very first blog entry back from January of 2003... Today is my grandmother's funeral. She's been widowed for more than 75 years. After my grandfather's death from cancer, grandmother took care of her three girls [also her grand AND great-grand children] all these years. I remember every time I visited her since she's been bedridden, under her tiny breaths she would ask me whether I had eaten lunch yet, if I wore enough warm clothing, or to make sure for me to drive home early before dark. She was always so caring and thoughtful to others, yet stubborn 'til the very end. I hope somehow she and my late grandpa can finally reunite. The thought only comforts me, but no one knows but the moon and the stars...

People say that life is but a mere reflection of death. Can't have one without the other. At what cost to simply exist? People also say that death is a 'celebration' of life itself. So rejoice! The dead don't want to hear no crying. Don't cry for me for I'm only near yet one can't see.

No crying. I understand—I do. But why am I still doing so...