Wouldn't it be nice to hear the word more often? Yes? No?

Yes.

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Currently listening:
Colourbox - Philip Glass

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Currently listening:
Robin Guthrie - Camera Lucida

These days, I don't know what to write anymore it seems. Not happy. Not sad. Just me. I first started this blog to function as a photo blog. Lately I haven't been taking any photos for myself... ever since my grandmother passed away last December. I will be my old self again [Is there such a thing?!] eventually. I do have new ideas in my head already, only a few more things to be sorted out.

Last week I had a couple of my prints professionally printed, 16x24" image and 22x30" matted. I'm heading out right now to go pick them up. I'm somewhat excited. And I haven't felt this way for awhile.

Life is what you put forth.

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Currently listening:
Flat 7 - Smile [Robin Guthrie Remix]

Bless you for your anger
It’s a sign of rising energy
Transform the energy to versatility
and it will bring you prosperity

Bless you for your sorrow
It’s a sign of vulnerability
Transform the energy to sympathy
and it will bring you love

Bless you for your greed
It’s a sign of great capacity
Transform the energy to giving
Give as much as you wish to take
and you will receive satisfaction

Bless you for your jealousy
It’s a sign of empathy
Transform the energy to admiration
And what you admire
will become part of your life

Bless you for your fear
It’s a sign of wisdom
Transform the energy to flexibility
and you will be free from what you fear

Bless you for your search of direction
Transform the energy to receptivity
and the direction will come to you

Bless you for the times when you see evil
Evil feeds on your support
Feed not and it will self-destruct
Shed light and it will cease to be

Bless you for the times you feel no love
Open your heart to life anyway
In time you will find love in you

You are a sea of goodness
You are a sea of love
Bless you, bless you, bless you
Bless you for what you are

Count your blessings every day for they are your protection
Which stand between you and what you wish not

Count your curses and there will be a wall
Which stand between you and what you wish

The world has all that you need
You have the power to attract what you wish
Wish for health, wish for joy
Remember, you are loved

The world has all that you need
And you have the power to attract what you wish
Wish for health, wish for joy
Remember, you are loved

I love you...

Text: Yoko Ono

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...and I love you, too.

Understanding is totally different from knowledge. Knowledge is borrowed, understanding is your own. Knowledge comes from without, understanding wells up from within. Knowledge is ugly, because it is secondhand. And knowledge can never become part of your being. It will remain alien, it will remain foreign, it cannot put down roots inside you.

Understanding grows out of you, it is your own flowering. It is authentically yours; so it has beauty, and it liberates.

Text: Osho

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Yet of course, the reason why you want to understand is a whole other issue.

Hi. It's been awhile. Am still alive and frolicking kicking. I guess I somewhat took a break from this place and I didn't mind it, and I didn't miss it. It was quite relaxing. I'm just here and there. I feel aloof and well.

Not much news really. I am in the process of getting some of my prints professionally printed. Finally! Before I was printing for my portfolio [book] on 11"x14" paper from WHCC, but now I'll be printing them maybe 22"x30" from this awesome fine art print house not too far from my place. Every time I go there I get inspired. It's an amazing feeling whenever I see these larger-than-life prints all spread out on the table while the curator shows me all the different papers and finishes. A good friend of mine, who's also into design and photography, and I are heading out to this custom mounting/framing place this Monday to see what options are available to finalize my prints. They also specialize in lamination, fabrication, crating, art handling and installation of fine art pieces. I'm excited.

I'm also looking at getting some promotional pieces printed. I'm thinking some postcards along with an intro/cover letter in vellum paper and envelope. Not sure which image[s] to use though. Baby steps.

Before I go [and who knows when I'll be back, right?], I forget exactly where I got the above 'artwork'. It has been many years since I downloaded these files and I still have many on my computer. Lost and found. Something unexpected. It's quite beautiful innit?

Yeah, life's like that.

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Currently listening:
John Foxx & Harold Budd - Raindust

The present has nothing to do with time. If you are just here in this moment, there is no time. There is immense silence, stillness, no movement; nothing is passing, everything has come to a sudden stop.

The present gives you the opportunity to dive deep into the water of life, or to fly high into the sky of life.

But on both sides there are dangers: 'past' and 'future' are the most dangerous words in human language. Between past and future, living in the present is almost like walking on a tightrope; on both sides there is danger.

But once you have tasted the juices of the present, you don't care about dangers. Once you are in tune with life then nothing matters.

And to me, life is all there is.

Text: Osho

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We are but transients of time, living in worlds between...

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Currently listening:
David Darling - Dawn

Video: Alex Roman

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A stunning visceral delight in photography, architecture & CGI. View it in fullscreen. 12+ minutes, but well worth it.

Awe inspiring!

Live each moment... for life and death is only a breath away.

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Currently listening:
Lunz - Lunz [Ulrich Schnauss Remix]

You should be grateful for everything that happens to you, even your pain.

The quote above is from a Hasidic saying. 2009 came and went, certain loses, but I'm still very thankful for what it is. Sometimes I feel like I'm floating in oil, watching my life drifts by and by. Comfortable yet stagnant, but still watching...

I have made some changes to improve myself. Self-doubt is a very negative thing. Am I good enough? But if I don't believe in myself, who will? I have learned much from this past year. I'm grateful for the people around me—you, my friends, my family, Alec, and the people I have yet to meet and come across. I'm grateful for this amazing life that I have. But how can anyone possibly put this tremendous feeling into words?

Thank you. Here's to a good 2010.

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Currently listening:
Air - The Dream of Yi

Currently listening:
The Hotel Cafe - Auld Lang Syne [Charity Medley]

Currently listening:
The Raveonettes - Christmas [Baby Please Come Home]

Finally I made a Christmas/Holiday CD for Alec [and myself]. It's a hodgepodge of tracks. Maybe it'll give me a boost of the holiday spirit. Dunno. *shrug*

Have a listen... It's on the radio to the right. If I'm not back by Thursday, I wish you all a very happy, safe, and a loving Christmas holiday this year!

xo, r

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Currently listening:
Sarah McLachlan - River

Here is a photo of my mother watching her own mother being put beneath the earth. Gone is the vessel. My grandmother was cremated yesterday. We took one last look at her and then we parted. My mother has always been a hard-headed, stubborn woman. Seldom I've heard her cry but it was never like this. She was whimpering and saying the words "Ma-Ma!" as if she was a little girl again. It was heartbreaking. My mother lost her father when she was six and all she had was her 2 little sisters and her mother. But she will remain strong; just like her own mother.

I cried like a baby yesterday. In the end, the man who was tending the cremation service asked if any one of us would like to 'press the button'. We declined. For me, I just can't do it. I kept reminding myself that it's only a body that used to be my grandmother. No more. No less. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust...

I didn't cry all that much this afternoon for I did most of it on my way to the service. There is no more pain and suffering for my grandmother. I believe that life/death goes around in an enigmatic circle... She's at peace and I look forward to seeing her again in the future.

The photo above is one of many of my grandmother that I took with my phone. Before the hospital bed arrived, I used to hang out with her on her bed and we both would watch TV together. I made this big photo album for her full of pictures of everyone she knows. This particular page that she's looking at are photos of my grandfather's grave site back in China. I also bought her the ducky on that table for her birthday, and next to that is a 'self-portrait' photo of my grandmother and I back in 2001. I still remember that day. I gave her a small 'interview' and recorded it with my little point-n'-shoot camera. In the video I asked her about her family... About her own father and mother, and the war...

Death is inevitable. But what does that make life? What came before life itself? Today I think of such questions but I need not know the answers. They will come to me one day...

Today was a sad day, but it was also a good day. A day of remembrance! Have a good night everyone and take great care of yourselves and one another.

xo, r

Southern California is usually bright, sun-shiny and warm, but this morning it's cold, wet and dreary. And I don't mind it at all.

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Currently listening:
John Foxx & Harold Budd - Here And Now